Motivation- stimulate (someone’s) interest in or enthusiasm for doing something.
I have always been a go, go, go kind of human. When I was barely old enough to participate in extracurriculars, I was out there on a field, or in a gym, or taking lessons for various instruments. I don’t know how we (my drivers, erm parents and myself) kept up with all of the activities. I specifically remember being no more than 10 years old and preparing for a week of practices and lessons. Mondays, dance. Tuesdays and Thursdays, softball practice. Wednesdays, piano lessons. Friday, Saturday and Sunday, softball tournament. I was SO busy. But for obvious reasons, as I get older, I feel myself doing less and less.
Now don’t get me wrong, I am still constantly busy. The weekends are usually filled with birthday parties for my friends or their kids, or weddings, or making a trip to see my parents or my soon-to-be in-laws. But my weeks are long. I work from 7:30 am-3:30 pm. I come home, take the dog out, and plop on the couch until it is time for bed (which is an embarrassingly early time for a 25 year old). Sometimes I just sit. As you’ve probably read or already know, I work in a school with kids that have serious behavioral problems and are “emotionally disturbed” (I hate this terminology). So, basically every day is exhausting even when it’s an easy day.
Past me would be SO disappointed in this routine. She would honestly be laughing at my depressed and lazy schedule. But current me is having such a hard time getting out of this routine so future me will be less stressy and depressy. I have days where I can go home and get things done, and I still participate in adult extracurriculars, like slow pitch softball leagues. But my hobbies have taken such a shift.
When I was at my peak for motivation, I was my most healthy mentally. I know that there is an obvious connection between the two because right now I am at an all time low with my mental health and my schedule shows it. Even on those days where I feel like I am getting a bunch of things done, I am mad. Mad because I know this isn’t me. I know how driven and dedicated and passionate and excited and hard-working I can be and my depression says “no” to all of those.
Some days, my depression gets the absolute best of me. Some days, I give it a real run for its money. Those days when I am feeling my absolute best are the days where I am proud of myself for getting things done; and those things could really be minimal to most people but I consider huge accomplishments. It almost feels like I am manic those days. But some days, specifically the days where I get absolutely nothing done after work and even the smallest tasks seem mountainous, I am upset and frustrated and my emotions are in control.
If you have ever struggled, or loved someone who struggles, or are struggling right now with depression, I see you. I am here to be the motivation you need to get off the couch. That’s it. Just get up and be proud you did that much. Because, from someone who struggles on the daily, I know that some days just getting up is the domino effect needed to get something done. Preparing dinner, taking a shower, wiping off the crumbs from last night’s Dorito binge, folding your outfit for tomorrow so it’s not wrinkled, these little or huge tasks are something and something is always better than nothing.